My Theory...99% of teenage sex is about ACCESSIBILITY

Okay I am having one of those mom moments...it is 6 in the morning.  Have been up since before 4am.  I should be taking care of my bills, but my daughter has been on my heart and it's one of those days when I wish I had a girlfriend to talk to.  Today she called daddy some choice names and in his anger he broke her android.  Not a new story, I know, many of you have been there with the phones...they drive us nuts.  But what is a mom to do?  I hate not being able to reach her so she sort of has this lever on me.  But John laid down the law...I am not to replace the phone.  Period.  He wants to give her a tracphone...but knowing her she won't take it.  So I am ready to leave her to the Lord.  I just have to trust Him.  I have decided that if she wants any phone, she will buy one or take the tracphone (I am almost ready to let her beg for it if necessary - I just hope it will come to that).

In the meantime, my daughter stole my phone last night to text her boyfriend.  They went back and forth till about 3:30 this morning.  I am thinking that this is why I was awake when I was.  I am not the least bit psychic, but God has sort of given me this crazy intuition when it comes to my daughter that has proven quite useful in her parenting.  A sort of Spider-sense when she is doing something bad or lying that has served me well during her tumultuous teen years.

It went like this.  Wake up.  Pray.  Pace.  Open windows.  Close windows.  Pace.  Pray.  Turn on light.  Look for phone.  GONE!!!  I look on my bed...thinking I may have fell asleep using it (again) but no, it is not there.  I run downstairs.  Check her room.  Don't see it right away (should have looked under her pillow...but it turned out right anyway).  I ask her "Do you have my phone?"  She says "No...where did you leave it?" I told her I had plugged it in next to my bed.  She says I should go back to bed...she will "call it"...which she pretends to do, but obviously is faking this (what she is actually doing is attempting to delete the log of her recent activity).  A minute later she brings me my phone and tells me I must have left it on the credenza in the dining room (ridiculous...would never do this, as my phone is my alarm clock to wake the next morning...).   But I thank her and she goes back to bed.

 I look at my phone and it is charged at 98%.  I have an EVO (battery sucker) and the only time that it is at 98 percent is the first five minutes after being pulled off the charger.  There is no charger at or near the credenza.  So I open my phone and start searching my history (text, call log, etc).  There is no evidence of her texting from my phone in my usual sms application and the call log is clear.  So I go to my handy-dandy google voice account (love this app...lets me read text history from my laptop...it is actually really awesome on so many levels and this is just one more!) and there it is!  A complete log of more than 200 texts between my daughter and loverboy.  It is also on my laptop so forwarding all of this juicy stuff to daddy and probably boyfriends mommy will be pretty easy.  Life is going to get very rough for my little princess.

Yes the script was quite steamy...and since they are on MY PHONE...no guilt whatsoever in reading them.  Okay they were not actually "sexting" but just about as close as can be.  Lots of talk about touching and biting and taking off shirts....kinda made me sick.  Either way it is plenty enough to know that I will never let this girl go over his house to watch movies AGAIN! Any contact with this kid will be at my house.  Under parental supervision.  I really don't care if they like it or not.  Yes, in case you are wondering, I am that mean.

My theory is that teens need a couple of essential things to have PMS (Pre-Marital-Sex).  
1) A Venue
2) Time
3) Desire

Okay, obviously number 3 is beyond most parents control (unless you have medicated your child...which yes, I have considered).  But one and two are not.  If there is no place to be alone, and no time to "get busy", then number three cannot be entertained.

Okay it is not a perfect plan.  It requires that my kid is practically permanently grounded.  But if this cannot be managed, I am seriously considering buying a one way ticket to Colorado to go stay with badass godmother and step-godfather.   And if that happens this little princess will never be the same.